In conversation with Olga Wehrly
Actress Olga Wehrly
1. Introduce yourself
Hi! I'm Olga Wehrly. Originally from the west coast of Ireland, I live in Dublin with my six year old daughter Una.
2. What is your job title?
I'm an actor, voiceover artist and writer.
3. Who looks after the kids when you are working?
It's always such a stress as nothing seems to fit the odd hours of the business, and honestly it is the first thing that I think of before even accepting a job. Her father and I l had a set-up that worked really well, but the creche stopped doing drop-offs to the school and so I had to find new childcare. Currently it is a patchwork between school, an after-school service, and her father, who lives a half hour drive away depending on traffic. When I'm on film or tv shoots, she usually stays with him, but finding before-school care is the current glitch: his work and her school start at the same time forty mins apart. He has found a colleague willing to do the odd morning but we still haven't found the right system, so the pandemic weirdly took all that niggling away.
4. How long did you take off work after having your baby?
Six weeks. I was with Una's dad at that point and we had just moved back to Dublin from London. We hadn't a bean between us. He is a teacher and was looking for permanent work and doing some hours in a TEFL language school, and I was offered a gig on a comedy sketch show for the Irish national broadcaster. We could hardly turn it down even though I'd hardly slept a wink at that point. Una had tongue-tie and lip-tie and I was pumping every three hours with a hospital grade pump. Our unit base was a disused paper factory. I brought the pump to work and slid down on the floor in empty offices between set-ups to pump, hoping no one would see me in the windows, and dashing to the toile to dry my blouse under the hand-dryer when I leaked milk after we didn't take a break for a long time.. It was crazy. I remember telling one of the ADs I needed to pump and feeling like I was being really cheeky by asking for a room to do it in. They were all young, fresh out of college and the workplace was not as women-centred. And this was only six years ago! I remember being so exhausted during takes, cognitively and physically, and being in awe of how speedily people's brains were working, and telling myself to just nod and smile at appropriate moments and not drop my guard or they would realise I was only grasping fragments of the conversation at the time. It was quite surreal.
5. Would you say that you have a good work/life balance?
No. I think a freelancer is always hustling for such a large portion of time that the downtime can be a lot of sleeping or fragmented catch-ups with friends or frenzied dashes to the cinema with my daughter. There's never enough time or money. If you'd asked me this a few months ago I would have answered differently. I would have realised that I'm quite lucky to get to travel a good bit and make use of the weekends my daughter spends with her father, but we've had the oddest opportunity to reflect on our lives over the last while and how we are using our days and frankly so much of it is chasing rather than being - scouting for work, preparing for work, practising for work, sleeping after work, and the cycle continues.. I chose this type of lifestyle because I firmly believed a 9-5 didn't suit my brain, but having watched how a regimented routine during lockdown has given the days a sense of purpose and safety, I can now see how routine is essential to mental discipline, and resilience; how good it is for us regardless of how we think our brains work. So, going forward, I hope to bring some of that with me - focus more on my own routines, and routines for my family.
6. Are you job sharing or working flexibly?
No, I don't think it is possible for my type of work.
7. What do you think is the hardest part of being a working in media/film/tv industry and being a parent?
Having to pretend like it doesn't cause you any inconvenience whatsoever - nightshoots, early pick-ups, travelling to different countries for auditions are all big logistical challenges that often take up as much time as prepping for the job itself. The structures are not there to make it easy - and also because everyone has their own individual requirements. I often think it's a business not conducive to family life - the hours, travel and the socialising around it are tricky. I have done jobs where people have not mentioned their children at all in order not to appear inconvenient.
8. What are your tips for any other women out there wanting to have kids and keep a career in film?
Have good supports around you. I see women with friends with kids working together to help with attending auditions, school drop offs, swapping babysitting for screenings etc, and I am slightly envious. I'm quite shy about making connections like that, and on top my daughter has a few major food allergies that terrify people because she carries epipens and inhalers around and I have seen people be quite nervous about being responsible for her care in any way. So that's an added stress to juggle too. In some ways though your time is more distilled after having children - you become insanely capable of using the tiny minutes between things because suddenly you are working off a tiny human's schedule and that is literally the only time you have. I am amazed at how much more I can squeeze out of a day than before I had another human to feed, clothe and keep alive.
9. Any advice for anyone about to return to work after maternity?
Make sure you are eating and sleeping well. It's so easy to forget about your needs, and neglect your body. Listen to you. I went to a womens' physio when things physically were not quite righting themselves and it was a game-changer. Reach out to people. It's a very lonely time and we become so trained on focussing our energies on the arrival that we can forget to advocate for ourselves. Also, take your time. Work at your own pace. The world will always be there, but your world has just changed so much. It takes a couple of years after a birth to get your headspace again too, I think. You just feel like a servant for the first couple of years haha! And you are!
10. What advice did you wish someone had given you?
Ask for what you need. Own your space. Find joy in things. Motherhood can be so damn serious sometimes, and there is this bizarre cult of being the perfect parent pushed on us through social media. Ignore it. No one has a clue. We all fuck up, but we all mean well. You have something to contribute: believe in yourself. I've become a lot better at reaching out to people. My instincts are to shy away from organised support, but I have had to get over that and see the incredible benefit and empowerment of being part of a collective. There is always someone who has gone through what you are going through, and there is always something to be learned from everyone who crosses your path. And people feel honoured being asked for advice, though they may not always have the time for you. When I was younger I was intimidated by appearing needy, or that I wanted to 'take' from someone more experienced or successful, but I've had to take my ego out of that and acknowledge that seeking mentoring is not only incredibly useful but a rite of passage you can sometime perhaps be in a position to offer someone else further down the line. I was very fortunate to take part in film producer Katie Holly and theatre producer Lara Hickey's "X-Pollinator "event last year in Dublin - it was a networking initiative geared towards women working in all aspects of the creative media in Ireland and it was utterly brilliant. Over two weekends, we were exposed to a series of talks by a diverse array of international professionals in a wide range of creative disciplines and got the opportunity to forge our own relationships with attendees. It's had a huge positive effect for me creatively already, helping me to develop some valuable professional relationships and collaborations, and no less importantly feeling a confidence in my own voice that I had not allowed in that way before. It really seemed to unlock a lot for people, so I think that is the advice I wish I had been given: find people who inspire you, who you feel safe around, find collaborators. Find an environment to get busy in where you are not defined solely as a mother, but the creative woman you have always been.
Check out Olga’s profile on Spotlight:
https://www.spotlight.com/3873-5648-9863